Quote from the movie “Training Day”
Chess is a very strategic game. Time consuming. Calculative. Every single move you make is important because it affects your next move. It affects your outcome.
Sounds a lot like relationships nowadays. Everyone is calculating their loses, their moves, every step of the way…in fear of the possibility of losing their most power pieces…themselves….The fear of being hurt by someone is so strong that we will even hurt people in the process of protecting ourselves by any means necessary. We will lie to others, and even ourselves, to avoid losing control….but, is it really worth it?
We’ve become so fearful of loving that we don’t know how to allow people to love us. We’ve been hurt, and we continue the cycle of hurting others just to remain in control (or at least we think so). We grow up and experience the world with people hurting us…We are socialized to hurt each other. I think that after a while when you’ve been hurt and afraid for so long it becomes your game plan. It becomes your answer to life. You see the world through fear. How can you really truly receive someone’s love if you aren’t used to giving or receiving it? I say that to say this…
We should stop being afraid to be vulnerable with others. We should embrace the fact that we love and love hard. What an amazing feeling it is to connect with someone and share one of the most amazing things in the world. Think of the last time you found yourself connecting with someone…you could feel the energy flowing through your body. It feels all warm and fuzzy. You’re ecstatic. But then something happens. You begin to question. You become afraid. You attempt to turn that off. Let’s face it. We are not robots that can turn our emotions on and off. Although we have some control over our thoughts and actions, sometimes we can not ignore our natural feelings. When we ignore our natural feelings, we do something to ourselves. We limit our capabilities. We bottle up our feelings. We create anxiety. We create assumptions. We hallucinate. What happens when you capture a tiger from its natural habitat and put it inside of a cage? When you finally let that tiger out to breathe, he just might maul a few people. He will be delirious and confused. He can not adapt to the new environment (without help). He may not know that his actions were wrong because in his natural habitat, that is how he survived. He was taught from an early age to hunt and kill. That’s how the tiger was raised. It’s only after that the tiger realizes that something is really wrong because he receives punishment. And although he receives the punishments and is able to understand that something is wrong, he doesn’t necessarily understand it. When we stop ourselves from experiencing raw gifts of life, we become like caged animals. We become robots calculating our every move to ensure that we get life right…Let me know how this has been working out for you…From my experience, it clouds my judgement even when I think I’m being “careful.” It can make you miss the rare opportunities of receiving something so special and pure. How many of you have come across a special person in your life that made you feel good, but for some reason, you just couldn’t find it in your heart to be raw and real with them. No secrets, no game plan, no fear, just raw emotions? Was your mind so jaded that perhaps you couldn’t SEE how much of a good thing you had?
Are we so focused on getting it right that we get it wrong?
Is it so bad to give your love to someone without reservation? I’m not saying not to be smart and make rational decisions. I’m talking about embracing your ability to FEEL. Why is it that we are so afraid of telling someone that we love them or care about them? Who is to say that a certain amount of time determines that? Who is to say that you can not connect with a person the same day and not feel an eternity of happiness? Who made these rules? Are these rules stopping us from truly being happy. Last time I checked, everyone’s relationships are
fucked. Everyone is giving everyone advice when they themselves are in dysfunctional relationships. When are we going to do something different and make our own rules, between two people, who are fearless and honest about their intentions and expectations. Is it really that bad to tell that woman that she drives you insane every time her name pops up in your head? Is it really that bad to express to a man that you’re looking for love and you’re wondering if he would be interested in exploring it with you? All these moves…seems more like a maze of “if-I-do-this-she’ll be like that-and-he-will-think-this” nonsense. We just end up confusing ourselves, and we miss out…
So, next time you find yourself being in your feelings…be true to yourself for a minute. Remember that being true to yourself isn’t for the other person, but for you. It’s for clarification. It’s for fulfillment. If the person you are sharing with doesn’t receive your voluntary vulnerability, then they don’t deserve it. They are probably stuck in their own jaded mindset, and can not give you what is most important anyway… How can you truly connect with someone if you aren’t willing to be vulnerable? If you aren’t willing to live truthfully and allow yourself the opportunity to be in control of what you want by being raw and real. Just because Anthony has dated five women who have all been gold-digging hussies doesn’t mean that the next woman you date is like those women. Anthony lives in his own perception of love, and has his own expectations and assumptions. We are who we attract. Living, exploring, and being bold is how you find out who is your counterpart. Aren’t you willing to sacrifice a few pawns to put you in a better position? To weed out the liars, foes, and bullshitters? And this isn’t necessarily strategic, but more organic. Move on and allow those people to mask themselves in the deceptive game like everyone else does. Who is to say that you have to always follow the game….
Rules are made to be broken, and when they are, sometimes you win…